I can't help but dedicate this post to a love of my life.

Through this whole week, the only time I really felt happy again, was when I was singing during chorale and at vocal lesson. It was really, really heartwarming to be able to feel like that again.

Perhaps this would be how I would feel towards RJ and chorale for the rest of the 2 years. Or not.

It's so hard to properly make an exclamation on this blog because it doesn't get through anyhow. But I really need to scream out all my frustrations and vent them.

Chorale vs. Council. I'm just going to leave it in His hands because I'm feeling really really lost right now and cannot decide which I want.

11 more days. :) I can make it.

Labels: chorale, council, reflections

I'm so, so, so tired.

Labels: council, reflections

Again, and again, I keep posting posts for the sake that I want the people who I'm targeting the blog post at to read my blog, but I guess it never happens.

It's 12.05 am, and I'm sitting all alone in my living room typing on the computer, typing out this post. All my chorale friends are asleep, and those that remain online are those that I basically have nothing to talk to about, or rather engage in a friendly conversation in.

My house is quiet, the clock is ticking, my 2 sisters are sleeping, Wu Yang keeps signing in and out for God knows why (internet problems maybe), and I have my Ronde and Sounds of Joy scores in front of me, waiting for me to memorise them.

I don't really know why I'm posting this post, except to reiterate my perspective of life now and what I feel about it.

I guess amidst all the hustle and bustle of life and the never ending list of activites we can do, it's always good to have quiet time to sit down, and think. Think about anything, think about life, friends, family, purpose, what to do tomorrow, think about what sacrifices I have to make in order to be able to go out with my peers tomorrow and on sunday, think about how long i've not touched my piano (its a sin and I'm sorry for it), think about my darling sisters and how close I actually am to them, then think about my pseudo family and compare the difference, think about how childish I once was, and think about what would happen, if I were to die. Would I be able to travel to the stars?

There's just so much thinking to do, but not enough time for me to really sit and think about all these. I guess I would really love to indulge in these thoughts, but life has it for me that I must do the things I've promised others, the things that I must do to get my life and education moving, to prepare me for life in future, to survive in this world.

Ah. The piece and quiet.

There's one thing I really regret not doing in secondary school, that is being able to open up fully to someone I can completely trust. But now, I can't say I've been able to do it yet, but I'm halfway there. Yet there's this urge in me to want to tell someone everything, and everyone something, but I just can't do it because the world doesn't just revolve around me, i.e. people have the right to make their own opinions too.

There are things to say, things I should say out loud, and there are things that do not. Of course, with every action that I take and make, there's a consequence to face, bad or good. But that doesn't mean I should stop at doing what I want to do, or want to say, does it?

I don't really know why I'm posting this post, it's just that if I do happen to look back at my blogposts in the years to come, I would be able to reflect on how I once reflected on this issue of life, and say "hey! I actually did think of this and I actually matured."

Sigh. I miss the old days of primary school, where life wasn't really so complicated.



And that is why, I guess I love to sit and stare into blank space. It's my way of escaping reality and time for that short period of time.

What's life out there on the stars? Would there be someone else like me, thinking about this too?

Labels: philosophy, reflections

I wonder why my dear friend deleted his blog without telling anyone about it. Hmm. A personal decision, perhaps?

I lied in bed yesterday for quite some time before going to sleep, basically thinking to myself about what has happened so far, the good and the bad things. Certain people in my life are really going through somewhat of a rough patch lately, and I confess that I haven't been much of a friend to help them through it, even though these people have helped me when I needed them most.

Well, I guess if you don't want to show something, people don't see it, isn't it so? And it's really hard when you don't know the cause or root of something and try to figure what the problem is. Rar I don't know.

And then there's this quote which I saw that struck me. It goes like "If people want to be a part of your life, then they would have to put effort into doing so." What would this quote mean to you? To me, I find it to be especially true for me and for the people in my life. You don't just become friends by knowing each other; friends definitely go through thick and thin together and ultimately the relationship between the two would become stronger and hopefully closer.

People come and go in life. I guess it's really who you want to choose to hang on to after you move on to a different period of your life. Even though RJ's just starting, time flies and before you know it people that you once wanted to hold on to could very well just move away.

Right now, I just don't know what to do.

Labels: philosophy, reflections

I guess uh my blog is getting serious, like it's really really hard to post something fun and informal. D: that's kinda sad.

Anyway, stayover at fiona's house was FUN. :D I believe I never got to end off the meeting properly because I'm feeling slightly sad that it's all over, i.e. i'm suffering from mild withdrawal. My house feels kind of unfamiliar to me, and yes I only get that kind of feeling when I don't stay home for the night. D:

Okay! Next time there are fun activities like these I shall just post 20 interesting facts about what has happened. :)

1. Nicole's addicted to Rock Band. ._. Never seen someone play the guitar again, and again, and again even in solo mode. Yah but I salute her for her perseverence to want to improve.
2. MY MAHJONG HAS GONE BAD. D: I fang pao 3 times yesterday, once to 5 tai, another to 7 and another to 8. The thing is though, yishu decided that we should finally play like real money and properly, like count 10 cents x 2^ (tai), conviniently on the day that I had to lose so many times. I believe I got bigger wins before its just we always played simple multiplication. D: Never mind I look forward to playing with my classmates on saturday. :D
3. German bridge is... retarded. -.- My bridge hand is getting worse on average so that's a sign for me to stop card playing for a while and focus on my work.
4. I did chem tutorial at 4am! :D I'm feeling so proud of myself. And i've nearly completed most of my work (like started on but not completed) so I'm gonna take tmr to finish most of my stuff up. :)
5. I hate stairs. -.- I don't know mummy can survive walking up and down each day without getting mishaps happening. Poor yen yee fell down yesterday. D:
6. I didn't finish my honey stars. D: food! T-T
7. I need to learn how to stay completely sane and not high at the same time due to a lack of sleep. Ask the people who played bridge with me. Kangjie is a more classic example of going high due to lack of sleep. :)

(omgosh 13 more points)

8. I can't play rock band for nuts. At least I don't own at any particular instrument. D: and i don't know how to operate a ps3. -.-
9. Talking to nicole was nice. :) and jean of course. Makes me realise how great a role God actually plays in the life of others. I guess I can start believing in Him too. :)
10. I did 4 pull ups proper. Yay. :)

Argh i'm giving up I really cannot think interesting facts. Well my mummy (fiona) has a really helpful blogpost to keep this sleepover in recount so do go have a look okay. :D

Gosh this stayover really made me miss my friends so much. D: and it's not even for a day. Rarrr.

Okayyy tag replies :)
kangjie HEEEEYYY HIGH BOY you're really going high. :D hope you had fun yesterday im looking forward to see you again. :D yeah falsettos ftw. :D
mark HELLO MARK THE PHOTOGRAPHER. :D eh correct right. :D
daniel oh yes boss i shall go read it now. i know what you mean though. :) see you tmr. :D
joanne uhh okay THANK YOU. :)
josh yeah man. too much time in front of the computer = more blogposts. :D havent seen you around lately yeah. :)
nicole HI ROCK BAND PARTNER. :D glad you had fun playing (or not). I think I should teach you mahjong? haha every person in chorale should know how to play mahjong. :) rest more okay even though you slept a lot. :D
stace NO OF COURSE NOT. :) you guys are really exciting. :D even though this tag's long over due, but bryan's dance was really cool and entertaining. :D
vince OH i see. :D thank you so much for the 3 flowers i dont know which part of the house they are in now. O.o anyway yes! thanks so much for coming. see you around okay! :D
yifan yah haha our backs became like totally wet cos of the water splashing up. but it's really fun to cycle after a rain because the weather's much cooler and less hot. :D yah anyway yesterday was really really fun so hopefully we'll have more fun together another time. but saturday's serious practice. D: sigh. :)
fiona hello yes i had fun thank you for hosting. :D next time sleepover at my house okay (though there isnt much to do) but at least we can still mahjonggg and play cards and uh do homework. :D i guess next time can have mugging party at my house. i'll set the mood right. :D

Labels: chorale

Gosh.

I just wrote down my list of homework. It's... long. :S

Let's hope I can finish it in this week, yeah. :D

and of course, tag replies.

yifan i hope there isnt any more coldness between us, yeah? :D yes chorale all the way. :)
yishu yes j3s said that the concert FLOWED really well. :D good job man for your solos. next time give me one. :)
josh hey thanks man! :D didnt know if you came down or not cos i dont remember seeing you. but thanks for your support! performing in dance night? :D
jinghui thanks jinghui. :D
kangjie thanks so much kangjie! :D i really really love you (okay just the friends kind of love) and thank you for your support in my running for council. :D
hongrui haha it's washed and clean now. :D next time i bring to class then you all can play with it again. :D thanks for the flower too. :)
brent hey hi brent! :D thanks for coming down yesterday i really hoped you enjoyed yourself. :D
joanne yes you tagged. and i replied. :) did you enjoy yourself yesterday?

and of course, for my mummy. :)
fiona CHORALE ALL THE WAY! :D thanks mummy for being so supportive i'm really really glad to have a person like you in chorale who i can turn to for sharing all my troubles and sadness. :D i hope it doesnt make you too sad, and yes let's work harder to make syf 09 the best that we've ever had. :D (actually to be honest i cant really remember syf 05 and syf 07 screwed up quite badly, yeah so syf 09 should be good. :D)

Putting all that emo aside, it's time to celebrate the march holidays and reminiscene (spelling >.<) last night's concert.

I must say working with PUNCH has been really a great experience. Be it script editing or acting or arranging songs, it has been really a roller-coaster experience with all that ups and downs and ups again. Worhx. :D

Anyway, concert last night was fantastic! I was really excited when I saw Hongrui Xuewen and 1 more person (i forgot who) for being in front of me at Simple Gifts. :D Really gave me a morale boost to sing well. But we seemed soft. People really do absorb sounds. :D

Anyway, comments! Punch was ranked funniest, as usual. My sister said that Accidentals seemed boring, probably because you're after us and the high of the audience has faded no song seems good enough. Point to note for next year is to put emo song after punch so that the audience can get contrast between the 2 items.

And another chapter of my chorale life has closed. This concert's definitely going to be one of the main events in my RJ life. SYF's next up, then followed by who knows what. I'm definitely looking forward to trip next year. :)

I hope BEATS can continue performing! I'm really going to miss all you guys when we do part after JC and stuff because I definitely miss the times when we all held a dynamic mic each and sang on stage. :D That was really, really something that I cherish and will continue to as time goes by, even till after we graduate. :)

And yes not forgetting flowers! Thank you Hongrui Vince (3 roses yeah :D) J3s punchJ3s and all other people who gave me flowers. T-T I'm really really sorry I cant remember who gave me the flowers because I got lost after 2.

Anyway I must thank the people who I knew came down for chorale concert yesterday. Thank you hongrui xuewen tingfang michchia eliz ying marktay brent benni haiyan sihui yenlin shangxuan vince enghan weilun ryanteh sam rebekah marktan joelng. The list goes on.

And for the people for made the concert special!

From PUNCH. Thank you isa bryan yisheng lionel fiona eliza jean rachel and yifan. And thank you joseph suet gen joelle bennett for your invaluable guidance during our rehearsels. :D They definitely helped to make our performance a good one. :D

And from BEATS! THANK YOU ben daniel kangjie joel ian yishu guan yifan.

And of course thank you teachers. :D Thank you Mr Toh, Mrs Koh and Mr Pan, for directing and supporting the choir all the way during the crazy preparation period.

Well, now that concert's out of the way, SYF is next. Let's not celebrate too early, and continue to strive for excellence in our SYF performance okay! It's going to be another hell of an experience. :D

Labels: chorale

SO MUCH to say, but so little that I can express.

Well first things first. CHORALE CONCERT IS OVER! I'm having mixed feelings of :D D: >.< and many others because of the process leading up to concert. It was definitely a memorable experience, good and bad, and I'll remember it as time goes by.

Which actually struck me. I just had my first chorale concert. I mean like, while spending all those years in RV, chorale seemed so far away because they seemed to be so good in musical standards and in terms of as a JC cca, but I've finally performed at my very first chorale concert. To sum it up, time flies, and I really wish I can slow time down to pre-JC life where everything was still so much fun.

And the march holidays are here now. 1 term of my JC life has gone past, and there's only 7 left to go. Time will fly like it always has, and before long I'll be enrolling myself into NS and then coming out to go to uni and bla bla bla.

What's most important, is that I must really live up to what I believe in. Cherish those around you, cherish your friends, cherish the experiences, cherish the time spent together. Life's just too short to have so much hatred in your life. And if I do go tomorrow, don't feel bad because you can know that I left not hating you, but loving you all.

Which brings me to another sensitive topic. My friends. I guess over the concert period various people have seen different sides of it, me being happy, pissed, emo, tired, and other various feelings that I cannot remember of. But I must say, the past week has been crazily tiring and really put lots of people to the test and made them show their best, and even worst sides of themselves. This definitely includes me, so I really apologise if I've made anyone unhappy and angry or pissed with me.

Here, I guess I will make a public apology. To Yifan, I'm really sorry if I've hurt you or made you feel unhappy in any way or another. Now that concert's over, I'm willing to put that painful experience behind me and move on with RJ life. I hope you'll do too. But I must clarify that it was first you who hurt me when you slammed down my comment on wednesday about choreo, added on by your distractions on wednesday which really, really pissed me off. But now that it's all over, let's just put it behind us.

You can call me to talk this out. :)

Then there's always that topic on my blog which I always discuss. Chorale vs Council. Well interviews were just over, and I really hope that I will get past that stage to go into campaigning and then into council because that's actually what I really want out of RJ. But if I don't get it, well I guess I'll just be left feeling sad for a while, then get on with my life.

And I happened to stumble on Kangjie's blog today. All this while, I actually thought he was just being mean to me because of my greed for wanting everything out of RJ, being cynical about my every move and action. But now that he's expressing his support for someone like me, again I'm really thankful for having a friend like him. It is really a friend like you that keeps me going in chorale and I hope you'll continue to support me in and out of chorale, okay? :)

Besides, singing beside you was really really really fun. :D tenor-in-falsettos all the way yeah! :D

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If only I'd known that RJ would be so complicated, I would rather turn back time and take another path to avoid all these pain and complications. Life was never meant to be so sad, or is it?

And in case you've not noticed, I've been feeling sad and emo the past week. It's really not pleasant for me and definitely not enjoyable even though it was concert week.

If only I could cry out all that unhappiness, but I can't. I'm just going to have to find other methods to let out the pain and suffering inside me. It feels awful.

Argh. >.<

Labels: chorale, council, philosophy, reflections

Sigh.

Everyday has its up and downs. I suppose I started off on a better note today than usual, having met Vincent trying to program a MathPuzl program into his GC. It was really amusing, trust me. :)

I must say, I'm a person that types what comes to my mind immediately, so if my posts seem disjointed please try to understand that it's my train of thought going on inside my head and I definitely did not plan what I was going to type, all the more edit.

I guess I'm a person that is easily influenced by others. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I haven't been feeling exactly happy in the past few days. :| All that's left at the end of the day are not happy memories that have happened through the day, but a sad facial expression which I wear till I go to bed.

Decisions. There's just so many to make even when I'm still in RJ. How am I going to express how I really feel without getting the wrong idea across? Hmm. :|

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I hope Tingfang and gang are really taking loads of pictures for me. :D Tingfang I want to see all the class photos of class camp with me inside okay! :D I really miss you guys and all the fun that you're having. D:

Anyway, I had a outing with xinwei today. We decided to do our art and music project on the NEL tunnels which you could very obviously see when in the mrt. I must say, the point about 'being blinded by what we see too often' really applies here, because apparently xinwei took the purple line quite frequently but never knew one could look out to the tunnels. :D no offence yah! :D

It's really nice! The tunnels going left right up down and lights flashing at constant pace really gave me different feelings as I sat from Dhoby Ghaut to Punggol and back. It was just so fascinating that it's actually, hard to describe in words.

Oh well, I'm tired. Full day chorale prac tmr and bass 2's only down to 4 people. I mean 1 million people now that muliadi's gone. D:

Labels: 10S06M, chorale, reflections

I don't blog everyday now, especially since workload is piling and commitments are starting to get heavier and heavier.

I have a lot of things to say on my mind right now, from my class to chorale to council to friends to everything else! But, there's only that much that I can say that I will say on this blog, because somethings, even if they're bad, are meant to be kept personal.

My class just went off for class camp at Mt Ophir today, and God bless them because it's raining now and please bless them to stay safe and sound and return as a happy bunch. It's sad I cannot join them because I've chosen to stay with chorale in this period of time where I'm needed most, so all I have to say is "HAVE FUN 6M!" :D

Chorale's becoming more and more intensive now. Practices are still manageable, because bass 2 parts are really really easy and I've long been able to cope with mr toh's style of practice. I'm just looking forward to full day practice on sat! :D

And yes, there's also Punch which I mustn't forget about. We have about 7 days left, and there're still many things to do, so it's really for our best if we can stay focussed and be REALLY efficient now that time's running shorter. :) I believe we'll be able to pull off the concert, so yes! Let's go.

Council stuff are also starting to pile in. I must thank rachel! :D for helping me to work on both my self nomination form and pre interview form. I'm really thankful for you helping me because i'll never be able to achieve that level of english without your help! :D thanks so much jiejie! :D Now all that's left is my interview that's to come next thursday, so all the best to me! :D

Now comes the more philosophical stuff.

While doing up the council form yesterday, I was made to heavily reflect about "why I want to join council" and "what contributions I can make as a councillor". While the first may be a little easier to answer (opinions differ. :D it was a little easier for me), the latter was the question that got me stumped. I eventually wrote this.

"... my philosophy in life is to make others happy. As long as what I do makes another person smile, I would consider that to be my main contribution. Even as a councillor, it is not what I can do (my ability) which is important; it is what I can do for others that matters to me. The difference I make in another person’s life is important, and that is how I believe I can contribute – to make others happy. "

Word for word, the above passage is what I wrote for my pre-interview form.

What's your philosophy in life? Is 16 too young an age to have a philosophy in life? In this fragile world where anything can happen, how would I want others to remember me if I were to suddenly leave all my close ones and friends?

Taking a good look around me, the pressure of schoolwork and their busy commitments are starting to pile up on them too. Some show the stress more obviously than others, while some just choose to remain silent and feel sad about it, some show it through fatigue.

Yet at the same time, making others happy seems to be something that's really easier said than done. Some people are better at it, some not so good. Personally, I don't have much of a talent to cheer others up when they're down, because its just not in me, yet.

But it worries me. My close friends are all showing obvious signs of being unable to cope with stuff. However subtle the signs may be, they still show up, and people do notice them. How then, do we go about helping these friends in their time of distress?

I guess this post really means nothing much, but ultimately I jsut want to say that, everyone can have a meaning for life regardless of age, and we should always cherish one another when we're around, because you never know when you will lose each other.

I <3 my family and friends.

Labels: 10S06M, chorale, council, philosophy